I’ve been recovering from a lot of things recently; a many times broken heart, depression, eating disorders, and abuse of alcohol and other drugs. I don’t mean this to sound dramatic or anything; it’s just the way things happened.
It’s been a very long time since I last posted. A very long time indeed, and I have some updates. 2014 has been a very different kind of year and I feel as though I might finally be growing into myself.
I feel a kind of lightness to me as we head towards Christmas. I have been more happy, I’ve made new friends, I’ve been able to make some music and attend various events which I have enjoyed. Yes, I still have some upsets in my life, and I am still searching for that something which seems to be alluding me.
I will be updating some of my thoughts further down the road; I knew what I’ve left some things open ended in some previous posts and I’ll be returning to those sometime soon.
I hope you are all well, my dear readers.
This is a now post.
I’m exploring, sexually that is. I’m not one to talk about sex with my friends so thought I may as well air my ideas on here. Apologies if you don’t want to know – if you’d rather not read, please skip along to the next post.
I suppose my issues began when I was about 14… I did not know know why but I lost my appetite and stopped eating. It wasn’t anything to do with wanting to be thin! It wasn’t anything to do with that. Quite frankly I couldn’t have cared less about my weight and size at that point of my life.
Thoughts broken, unspoken for fear of abandon.
Heart spoken feelings tumble softly from me,
What do I say, you broke me, made me me, made me whole.
Before I carry on with this I want to make sure that my blog is completely anonymous. I don’t want to suddenly realise there’s an obvious link to who I am on here once I’ve spilled my heart and confessed my deepest desires and darkest misdemeanours…
So, the favour is this; could I ask you to have a click around this blog and let me know if there is anything that links this blog to anyone? Once I know I’m clear I’ll carry on.
Cheers all x
People from various countries have viewed my blog today. I’m slightly shocked that so many people have! But I do hope that people can learn from my mistakes. I also hope that by sharing with the ether the stuff that’s on my mind that I’ll be able to work through.
So, thank you all for looking and reading. Hope it helps (or at least provides a little amusement).
Once, I thought that there was a possibility of some sort of long term connection, some kind of mutual give and take which could lead to love, or at least something akin to love.
Once, something happened to make me realise that I was wasting my time; I never chased after what I wanted. In fact, I didn’t even believe that I could get anything near what I wanted in life and had got to a point of near-numb carelessness… And that’s not careless in a good way.