This is a now post. 

I’m exploring, sexually that is. I’m not one to talk about sex with my friends so thought I may as well air my ideas on here. Apologies if you don’t want to know – if you’d rather not read, please skip along to the next post.

So yes. I’ve known I was into other women for many a year now. I had a bit of a blip somewhere along the line which resulted in me sleeping with a few blokes; apart from the good exercise I didn’t get much out of the experiences… Ah well.

I’ve never really enjoyed sex with anyone, to be honest, and I know why – I’m severely submissive in the bedroom (or anywhere else one may have sex). In every other aspect of my life I’m completely the opposite; try and tell me what to do and I’ll tell you to ‘fuck off’ in no uncertain terms.

However, I felt a little alone. I wanted someone. After an accident which made me wake up and realise I should go for what I wanted, I decided I should get back onto a dating website I’d been on in the past, updated my profile and thought I might get to talk to some people.

But sexually, what I want is a beautiful older Mistress who will push my boundaries and claim me as her own, to whom I would happily and loyally give both my body and mind. I didn’t think I’d find that on said dating site… No way, it’s too normal, right?

Well, it seems I was wrong. I have found someone who fits that bill perfectly, who makes me feel more amazing than I’ve ever felt before and who, apparently, wants me. But I’m scared! We’re taking things slow, seeing how it goes… but that means I don’t really know what’s going on. I’m terrified that she’s going to decide she’s bored with me and drop me like a hot potato, and on top of that I’m scared of asking her about a possible future.

We’ve been talking for a few weeks now. She’s not bored yet… I’m definitely not bored. I want to ask her to meet but I’m worried that will push her away and if that happens I’ll be devastated (did I tell you that I fall completely, very quickly?). In fact, I’m worrying so much that I’m feeling sick. I think I need to learn to step away, breathe and see what happens…

I shall end this post with a *sigh*. We shall see. I hope with all my heart that it works out.


2 thoughts on “Exploring

  1. Sexual exploraiton can be beautiful….as long as it is safe of course. When I was younger and having sex, I didn’t enjoy it much either. However as I got older I thought it was absolutely crazy for me to have sex and not enjoy it. So, now I encourage all the women in my life to have sex on their terms. The reason I wasn’t enjoying sex was because I was doing it for the benefit of others. Now, I do it for the benefit of myself. Sex has become amazing. Especially when you add a partner equally invested in you being happy…..AHHHMAZING

    • We’ll see what happens, hey!

      I always thought there was something wrong with me because I didn’t enjoy it. It’s a relief to realise it was because I was having sex with the wrong people!

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